Is people watching ethical?

This semester I have the great fortune of taking an ethics course from one of my favorite professors (and, really, people as well). A few weeks ago, we slowly started to dissect the origins and basics for various theories and we came across a certain predicament within hedonistic utilitarianism. Here, the theory states that happiness reins all and that we should maximize it no matter the costs.

As a starting point, I seemed to agree. I like happiness. I think I should be happy. I think you should be happy. Heck, I even think my obnoxious neighbor with the booming Arabian dubstep should be happy (and, yes, as I found out that is a thing). But, does a line exist? My professor brought up the shower scenario. Say that I, in all of my true-to-form glory, step out of the shower in my apartment. My neighbor (not the one with the dubstep) sees this event and continues to watch for they are gaining pleasure. From this, the hedonist would say that the neighbor’s action is morally sound because he gains pleasure and there is no adverse effect on myself. However, that makes me feel a little uncomfortable. Something doesn’t sit right.

Then, I applied this to one of my favorite past times: people watching. Here, I am gaining pleasure from analyzing the unsuspecting victims around me and they receive no adverse effects. This is oddly similar to the shower situation, yet so many of us still do this. Granted, we could take this to the extreme and say that the effects rise when stereotypes sneak into society, but let’s not go there. So, now, I am dumbfounded. Is it unethical to people watch? Should I end one of my favorite time killers? What shall I do?

The Beauty in Everything

A few weeks ago I touched down in Colorado after an adventurous five weeks in Turkey. This trip, though speckled with a tourist thing here and there, mainly served as a business venture. During my stay, I assisted in the commissioning of a geothermal power plant. I worked and lived in a country where I knew none of the language, few of the customs, and a handful of people. When I try and talk to others about the trip, I tend to over exaggerate the hard parts of the journey to make me sound impressive. But, as I reflect on some of my memories, a certain image comes to mind.

To preface this, I should talk more about what I did. Everyday I woke up around 6:30 and left the hotel for the job site around 7:30. For the next ten-and-a-half hours (minimum) I would feel the Turkish sun in the middle of a corn field. Towards the end though I did spend a lot of time battle an inner exhaustion at the control table. This continued for five weeks with only four days off. On a particular day I was, let's just say, completely done. After about three weeks in the field the thrill of telling operators to aç and kapat the valves had become pretty repetitive. It ceased to keep me awake. I stood at the OB-31 separation station and longed for my power naps on the control room's toilet. The brine rain started to fall from the silencer and I not longer cared if the pumps started or not. But, my sister tasked me with releasing the air from the emergency dump valves and it hit me. I stood on the grates of a platform and realized that beauty exists in everything.

I took this picture to remind myself:

It's not much now, but that moment reminded me to stay positive over the long journey of commissioning. Now, as I return to school, I constantly picture this moment to stay sane. The beginning-of-the-school-year stress has come into play and I am quickly remembering why I no longer have a passion for my major. But, beauty exists in everything. The equations no longer thrill me, but the implications do. I have the power to change the world with only a calculator and a G-2 pilot. As I attempt to coast through my last year and onto law school (hopefully...) I want to remember that though things really do suck, I can find the beauty in anything.

What's Next?

The A-toZ Challenge has officially ended and I keep asking myself: what's next? I want to continue on my poetic journey, but a couple of things will change.

First, I want to explore more topics. The challenge was a great start, but I not aim to explore all of my world, and not just part of my identity.

Secondly, and I think more importantly, I want to put out one solid poem at least once a week. Starting on the 10th of May, I want to publish one poem on this blog every Sunday. I am hoping this will allow me to focus on one crafted poem than spread myself across a bunch of different ones.

Someone hold me to this.

Thanks for sticking around!

Z - At-to-Z in Review

About a month ago I

began a journey to start writing, no,

creating poetry through a simply challenge.

Day after day I wrote and

erased countless words in my

faded yellow pages to try and

gather my thoughts into a few

hollowed sentences.

I challenged myself from initial

jitters to some much needed,

kind words to finish the

long journey of daily creativity.

My poetry advanced, I think, and

now I mustn’t

obsess over the small details or

quirks lining my thoughts.

Right now I don’t know where I

stand or where to go. I keep contemplating next steps or

tasks laying ahead on the

unwanted path of defeats and seldom

victories. But,

with a pen in hand and an

x before the dotted line, I’ll take

you along wherever this

zoo of a life takes me.

Y - The Missing Color

Red: passion

            The look in the eyes of the attorney

            fighting for the removal of the

            second before our citizenship.

Orange: uncomfortable

            That color too bright for average

            yet too bland to mix with others.

Green: nature

            For we are fighting to feel

            harmonized and natural

            into their world

aren’t we?

Blue: calm

            Calm before the storm.

            Ability to lean on each other.

            Survivors of suicide.

Purple: royalty

            Are we not queens?

Yellow:

            Where are you?

            I see you stitched across

            the Speedos on the nude beaches

            and three rungs down on our flag

            but where is your meaning?

X - Where's my X?

Was it in my slightly tightened jeans

or just in my general sense of style?

Could it have been my voice inflections

or maybe when I threw some shade?

Did I crook my hand a little too much

or did my hips give away my lie?

I try to hid and cover

the x

splattered across my barren chest,

yet your aim still hits

as you identify my marker as a

faggot.

W - We?

How can we fall under

the umbrella term of

community

when we can’t even

agree or settle on

minute details like

basic survival?

V - Victorious

Look me straight

in the eyes and

say that again

for I will not

budge nor move

for I am

statuesque and

unworthy of

your cowardly

advances.

I will not budge

nor move because

I am victorious

and you are

not.

U - Unique

You were just a character in Glee.

Somewhere between the Kurts and

the Rachels, you stood as a monument

staring over the impurity below.

Your end came too soon,

but know that you impacted

at least one person in the saga

of your tragedy.

You redefined a community.

Unique was once an adjective to

quality everything around it,

but you transformed this

description into a being.

For you taught me that

we are beautifully unique.

T - There They Stand, Ignorant to Me

There they stood with love reaching between the electrostatic hairs on their arms growing as they accidentally edge closer.

There they be, lost in a temper of blissfulness tuned away from the ignorance radiating from a nearby guitar and focused into the concavity of each other’s breath.

There they sit as proof that from the dimmest of corners of my special place in misery I can find happiness in the purest form.

There they are with a crooked smile oblivious to the exhausted neighbor dying to reach their point of clarity.

There they stand, statuesque in unknown ignorance, as an inspiration for a man to turn just one more page in the ending saga of surviving.

S - What's in a name?

See right through me

and question

people, places, an aura.

There I stand and appear

in a crossfire, chaotic,

kindled with a claim

close to engulfing

in a queer passion

lifting into endless flame

yet be discovered.

R - Am I Right?

I commonly hear that I am

unnatural, sinful, and, heck,

even evil.

It buries in and bits, but

I can’t help to disagree.

When I kissed a girl,

it felt unnatural and forced.

That whole peg in a square

hole thing.

But,

when I kissed another man,

I felt the rhythm of two

heart beats sink into a

pattern only Beethoven

could dream of.

As we explored the depth

of another soul, I

felt a shard of my tattered

existence lift into the

starry night sky.

Our long talks dived into

the intricacies of my inner

being as he succumbed to the

power of unity.

When I fall under attack

for my sinful ways,

I always ask:

How could this

not be right?

Q - The Word Queer

Things Queer is Not:

Queer is not ugly.

Queer is not a $3 bill.

Queer is not your next door neighbor’s uncle that only gets talked about on ancestry.com.

Queer is not my direct identity.

Queer is not my first kiss.

Queer is not that person who doesn’t quite fit your box.

Queer is not unnatural.

Queer is not a thing of the past.

Queer is not a word for you to use light-heartedly.

Queer is not what you think it is.

Queer is not gone.

Things Queer Is:

Queer is my people.

Queer is beautiful.

Queer is a community that you have decided to marginalize.

Queer is here.

Queer is my last night.

Queer is that feeling you get when you decide understand that weird feeling.

Queer is my life.

Queer is the kind-hearted person down the street.

Queer is wonderful.

Queer is amazing.

Queer is beautiful.

Queer is everything you would hope it to be.

P - My People

My people are everywhere,

yet,

they are thrown into the crack of the sidewalks

where the ants bite into any chards of nourishment.

My people will cut you,

yet,

they will defend a total stranger.

My people oscillate between love and hate,

yet,

they will embrace anyone who wants help.

My people fit the stereotypes when needed,

yet,

they live to tussle around their own identities

in the face of confusion.

My people are not supposed to survive,

yet,

they constantly define resilience.

My people may fall to the words of the unfortified pupil,

yet,

we still stay strong.

My people are here.

My people are queer.

My people are people.

O - Chasing the O

Oh, that magical, mystical moment

trapped between the lilacs, lilies, and lovers,

waiting for the precise, perfect, and pristine

second of gaping, ghastly, and grasping

pleasure of climatic finish.

N - Normal?

Normal.

Straight, cis.

Thriving, mandating, controlling.

Don’t have to question.

Them.

M - Monogamy

I don’t get it.

What’s so bad

about finding the one?

As I lay in bed past the

moon settling over the horizon

I think of my perfect man.

His brilliant smile exposed after

a corny joke only he could

find funny.

That trip we took in the

middle of an isolated desert

that almost tore us apart.

Even that disgusting habit of

his that drives beyond the

point of insanity.

This is what I want.

I accept that my dreams exist

within the social constructs, but

in reality,

I just want love.

L - Lesbians

Lesbians, I really don’t get us.

Like, we have nothing in common,

We like different people.

We are different people physically.

I hate your parts.

You hate mine, I think.

We only come together against ‘them’.

Like, really, we shouldn't get along.

Yet, I still love y’all.

K - We Just Want One of Our Kind

Forward thinking we climb,

clamoring and cajoling for the sake of time,

carrying the constant and consistent rhyme,

just to conceal a simple line.

We just want one of our kind.

J - Justice

You cannot, will not,

force your hateful religion

onto my freedom.

I - Intersecting Identities

The intersectionality of identity

            convulses and concludes with confusion

stemming from systematic

            oppression only offering

glimpses and glances that graze

            at differentiated definitions of denotations.

H - Heteronormativity

Herein lies the problem that you

expect us

to follow the Mr./Mrs. social construct for

envelope addressing.

Really? You see no problem?

Or do you just ignore it?

Now, I am not here to

overemphasize the insults

resulting from your

mistakes, but I am

also here to remind you

that you cannot assume

identities or

various aspects of myself.

I am an individual

that steers clear from

your ingrained bigotry.

G - 25 Things that Make Me Gay

1. That guy’s muscles.

2. That guy’s butt.

3. The fact that I spend more time looking at professor’s assets than listening to his lectures.

4. My love for underwear.

5. My tumblr.

6. My Facebook.

7. The pride flag in my room.

8. The fact that I know what LGBTQQAP2SA+ means.

9. How excited I get when I see a rainbow.

10. That guy’s leg muscles.

11. When my heart skips a beat when that guy stretches.

12. How I ask my TA questions just to be close to him.

13. That guy’s right calf.

14. That guy’s left calf.

15. My YouTube views.

16. How my legs look in jeans.

17. My poetry.

18. That guy’s nose in perfect lighting.

19. When his eyes glimmer after turning around to crack his back.

20. That fact that I’d rather look at a male’s parts than think of anything female.

21. That guy’s perfect up-do.

22. The fact that vaginas are disgusting.

23. That guy’s entire body.

24. My love for everything male.

25. Oh yea, and that time I came out as gay.

F - Freedom

As the cement moves

below our synchronized feet,

your fingers meet mine

and our hands clasp together

while we conquer crowed streets.

E - Ellen

Your voice quickly became

the vessel for my release.

“Of course I love Ellen, Mom.

She’s … hilarious.”

As my bodied tried to

shift through your

wake of kindness,

I learned to survive past

the emotions clinging to my

sinking heart.

Because of your catalyst,

I float on clouds lined with

fabulous amounts of glitter.

D - Demi Deconstruction

Half god and half human.                               Attracted after intellect.

Trapped between the lines                              Set free by connections

of royalty and the fragility                           unraveling conversations

of death.                                                                 and deep personas.

Concerned of genetics and                              Graced by the covered

possibilities, yet limited by                            beauty, yet broken by a

the lack of similarities.                                          lack of community.

The Demi’s: the gods of                            The Demi’s: the people of

the humans.                                                            sincere connection.

C - The Closet

1. Was it really that dark in there?

2. Is it over yet?

3. Have you ever looked back?

4. Does it get easier?

5. Was it worth it?

1. When goals dwindle down to restricting the crook of your hand, darkness becomes a beacon of hope.

2. From innocent stares to the stubborn parents, each hour becomes tainted with the same experience.

3. As I straddle both the entry and the exit, I lack enough energy to even look forward.

4. The pain will always exist, but the accomplishment will always help.

5. A youth trying to accept themselves thanked me for listening to her questionless answers. I watch her repair her soul.

B - An Apology

For me, you are no traitor.

Anyone who can look at the shrinking box

of shriveled emotions and step away

deserves no disrespect.

I cannot speak for the community

of hypocritical headline chasers,

but know that you are still

a part of my community, my home.

I cannot pretend to erase

all the wrongs done against

you and your similarly lettered family, 

but I can my offer a simple apology.

I would never beg for forgiveness,

it is not my place, but I will offer

a shaky hand in hopes for a steady

wall formed from rainbow splattered bricks.

We have washed you away

and treated you as they

treat us and I just hope that

we can pull you back.

A - Assumptions

You slithered next to me and slowly caressed the curvature

            of my shoulder with the ripples of your fingertips.

I never knew you could laugh so hard.

I watched as you peel the fabric over your dulled brass

            buttons to reveal the intensity of hidden colors.

I never knew your backpack had so many pens.

We both giggled as each layer of sweaty, pulpous, rubber-like

            texture revealed itself from under the strained fabric.

I never knew that cake batter made such weird noises.

Our heart beats slowly gained intensity as your exhales

            moved closer and closer to the poison leaving my lips.

I never knew a Sunday run could exhaust me so much.

You asked if I would want to join you in any after-hours fun

            filled with passion, bliss, and insurmountable pleasure.
You never knew I was ace.

A to Z Challenge Theme!

Hello All!

I know that I am a day late to the party, but for the A to Z Challenge, I will be attempting to write poetry revolving around 'queer' topics/experiences. I hope you come along for the journey!

~Sean